You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drunk is not a location!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
