turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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