New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
