margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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