I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
