the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
