She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
