It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
