so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
