This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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