My sheets look like a crime scene.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
