im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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