You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
