A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
