why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
