That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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