actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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