why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
