I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
