Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
