the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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