I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
