This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
