I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
