hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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