my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
