One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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