Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
