Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
