But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
