I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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