I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
