clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just high enough for therapy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
