I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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