Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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