just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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