There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
