i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
