im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
