some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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