Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
