i permit you to call me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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