I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
