Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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