saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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