Having a random hookup so left but love u
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
