I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
