I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
