Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
