Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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